Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A New Arty Quilt Show!

Announcing a New Quilt Show!

Prizes:  There will be “big”* prizes!

Juror:  at least one juror (we think we can persuade old Fred Flubs from the Fibers dept of the local college to emerge from his hiding place amidst the dusty looms to peer at your images).

Catalogue: we hope to produce a lavish coffee table  book (screw on legs included) which will be free with $100.00 s/h  plus an annual opening fee of $30 to anyone who enters the show.

Dates: Entry deadline is April 1st.   We will issue rejections, and a few acceptances by November 1st if you include an sae with a bonus prepayment of $10.

Entries: Entries must be completed within 6 months of entering the show and must have never been viewed by or shown to or at  or with or from any other person than the maker including the cat.

Images:  should be no greater than 5” x 7” or 6cm x 8cm at 396 ppi with exactly 1920 pp per top and bottom side.  Files larger than 2 BM will be rejected, 1 BM is enough for anyone.  Mbs are good but be careful with kbs especially those marked “dogs only”.  Rewrite CDs.  Make sure your camera has exactly 17 megapixels, these can be of any size.  
Images should include the hands (at the top) and the feet (preferably at the bottom) of the quilt.  These will later be recorded for identification.  No fake quilt stands with plastic hands and feet please!

Artist statement: we expect a short artist’s bio, 3 words should be sufficient, but request a 300 page essay on the meaning of your quilt.  We may edit this.

Size requirements:  the horizontal measurements should not be greater by more than the square root of 9.5 x the height of your sewing machine needle.  The left side vertical measurement, while it can be greater or less than the bottom edge of the quilt, should not exceed by more than a factor of 0.0062 the nebulous variance of the logarithmic multiple of the right.  The circumference of your quilt cannot be less than the diameter but could be greater than the height as long as it does not exceed 50” (60 cm).

Sleeves:  We request that the sleeves be made from rip stop nylon at least a foot deep (boot included) in a daisy print fabric so that our volunteers should have no difficulty in inserting  the assorted left over plumbing pipes we use for display or in finding the sleeve.  Of the quilt.

Sales: will definitely be encouraged.  We will take only a modest 66.6% of the full price, or 72% of the best offer whichever you prefer.

Quilt Return:Quilts will be returned in 2021, please send a courier at that time to find them in our basement storage with excellent overhead lighting supplied by a 40 watt bulb.  Flashlights available for a small extra charge.

Fees: a donation of at least $50 is requested, please send more if you can.  It may help your chance of inclusion.

Thank you!  We expect a great show!

And, if you have been…..thanks for reading!!  I look forward to the entries!  Please comment first!  Elizabeth

*any one wishing to donate a prize please contact Sally “Splendor” Spoofer at sss@nevercast.com

22 comments:

Deb said...

I can think of at least three fiber artists who are going madly through their piles of work/and or electronic inventories right now.

ElaineM said...

How hilarious is this...

But in the end, it sounds like the hoops we are asked to jump through often times.

Whatever happened to the " Enter your best art"?

Gerrie said...

Thanks for the belly laugh this morning.

TextileTraveler said...

Too funny. Thanks for sharing!

sandra wyman said...

Lightened up a rather solemn day. I wouldn't be eligible anyway - the cats inspect every quilt thoroughly all over and all through including betweeen the layers!

Rayna said...

snort! I can't wait to enter, as soon as I make something that I think Fred Flubbs will like and buy a new computer that saves things in BMs.

Beth from Maine said...

What a great laugh. I love a great sense of humor.

Kerry said...

omg...Elizabeth...what a hoot...You almost had me at hello...
I am so glad I read you!

Terry said...

Do we include our own PVC pipe hanging rods or will those be provided? I assume we should sign the quilt with a sharpie, then sew a square of muslin over the signature for jurying purposes. And you forgot to tell us the theme--I hope it is something very moving and slightly political.

As soon as you address those questions I am ON THIS!

Elizabeth Barton said...

oh gosh what wonderful ideas are appearing in the comments!! thank you all so much for writing...I definitely think the theme should be something like Addressing Identity we expect you to do some soul searching on that one!! And oh yes those signatures definitely need to be covered with a bright red patch so that we know you did!! and...no peeking, jurors!!!

Priscilla Kibbee said...

Brilliant! I can't wait to see the show.

deb said...

Too funny! Great way to start the day :)

LaughingLG said...

Can I have a four word bio? Your own, "Weird sense of humor" would suffice. Thank you.

Lori LaBerge said...

Excellent! What is the charge for the flashlight? I'm going to want my piece back.

Kristi said...

I am in charge of our guild's quilt show in two weeks. Would you mind if I use your great ideas? (I'll forward you the hate mail!)
Thanks!

Mary said...

You must be on the mend! Too funny!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Is this what we have come too? Thanks for the wake up call.

Marti Plager

Anonymous said...

Is this what we have come too? Thanks for the wake up call.

Marti Plager

Linda Moran said...

Love this! As I am in the process of writing a prospectus (havng read too many of this kind!), I'm taking your ideas to heart! Snort....

Linda said...

So, this red label cover - cardinal, magenta, scarlet .....?

Thanks for the laugh!

Julie said...

I'm a short artist so I must qualify! I'm right on top of the measurements so count me in! Can't wait to see everyone's quilts. Sadly I don't have a cat so it will be for my eyes only. Many thanks for the laugh Elizabeth. I'm still smiling :-)

cathystitcher said...

I wish to donate a prize; a 3m square wool blanket, suitable for use as wadding (batting) only slightly soiled and variously moth-eaten. Winner collects from donor.